Interactions
According to the American Psychological Association, "Most Americans harbor positive views about mental health disorders and treatment, according to the results of a survey conducted by The Harris Poll on behalf of the American Psychological Association. A total of 87% of American adults agreed that having a mental health disorder is nothing to be ashamed of, and 86% said they believe that people with mental health disorders can get better, according to the poll.
" ‘The results of this survey are encouraging, and a signal that APA's and others' work over the years to promote mental health care is paying off,’ said APA CEO Arthur C. Evans Jr., Ph.D. ’They indicate a willingness to be more open about mental illness, as well as a strong belief among older respondents that having a mental disorder is nothing to be ashamed of.’
“Despite this welcome news, some stigma still persists. A third of respondents (33%) agreed with the statement, ’people with mental health disorders scare me,’ and 39% said they would view someone differently if they knew that person had a mental health disorder.”
Despite the cited poll above, it still amazes me how much a lack of understanding of mental illness exists in the Christian community. Having dealt with this firsthand, I invite you to a dialogue on the matter. Have you ever experienced a situation in the church, co-op, or youth group where your child had an episode, and the people around you seemed confused or dismayed? Did you lie about what was happening so as not to create panic or shock? I know I have. When an episode has occurred in a public place among Christians, I've blamed things like stomach upset, GI issues, panic attacks, or lack of sleep to describe what's happening to the genuinely concerned folks around me. I either felt they would not understand the diagnosis, or I was too tired to explain. When I have used the actual diagnosis to describe things going on, I received a confused facial expression or was asked—sigh—if my child was dangerous.
I'm not saying that all the people in the church, Christian school, or youth group are reacting in this manner. Some people are aware of mental illness and its effects and others are very empathetic. What I am saying is that there is a stigma around mental illness. As statistics have shown, one in eight people worldwide suffer from a mental disorder. That is 12.5 percent worldwide! Yet it seems that many people, Christian or not, are unaware of mental illness and its devastating effects on the human mind. Mental illness causes a debilitating disruption in a person's day-to-day life. While I am very thankful that times are changing and that more information, training, awareness, books, and news articles are readily available, it doesn’t seem to help me at that moment when my child is caught in an episode. The people around me either try to help but don’t understand or look at me like I have three heads.
It is heartbreaking to see your child suffer in any manner, and I don’t mean to elevate mental illness above all other illnesses. I’m simply saying that compassion instantaneously strikes the heart of most Christian parents if they hear a child has cancer. Mental illness doesn't solicit the same reaction. On those rare occasions when I have spoken to another adult in one of these groups who has been bold enough to share their own struggles, I could feel my body exhaling a sigh of relief. Not only has their shared experience made me feel acknowledged, but it grouped me into a body of people rather than an alienated member. It was a powerful experience.
Being a parent of a child suffering from mental illness can alienate us and make us feel so alone or even embarrassed. It should not! There are many of us who are here for you to share your journey. We struggle daily to help the children we love so dearly and nurtured from the time of their birth. There are so many things that we wish were different for them. You may long for normalcy. I know for myself, it is so hard to talk to other parents with “normal” children who have taken the “usual” path of going to college, getting their degree, meeting their wonderful spouse, and getting married and having children. This may not be the path set forth for my child. But I will never give up on my child. I will always love my child even when he causes me great worry or frustration. What I do know to be true is what scripture tells me. 1 Corinthians 13:7 says that love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (ESV) I am a Christian parenting a child with mental illness, and I do hope and pray that you feel less alienated and burdened by hearing that you are heard and that you are loved. Together, we hope to bring some encouragement to other parents dealing with the struggles along this difficult road.
Are you a Christian parenting an individual with mental illness? Join the Eleventh Willow private Facebook support group to meet other parents who understand. Let’s help each other walk this path.
Photo by Stormseeker on Unsplash
