Mental Illness and School
I’m approaching the new school year with some trepidation. The last school year didn’t end well. In fact, it didn’t end. We’re still working on it. We have about 15 days of work yet to complete for last school year before we can start this one.
I can make excuses. I can tell you how I was working 55-60 hours a week from the end of March through the beginning of June, how I didn’t have time to fit in all the schoolwork. That would be the truth. But the other part of the truth is that mental illness creates children who have difficulty focusing, who are unmotivated, and who just won’t do their schoolwork.
How common is school refusal? According to an article from Yale Medicine, 10 to 15 percent of children experience school refusal, missing at least a tenth of school days. Another study says the statistics are between 2 and 5 percent. Either way, these numbers are shockingly large. There are many reasons kids might want to avoid school, but “anxiety is often at the root of the problem.” (Yale Medicine) I love the following quote from the same article: “…attending school feels like being trapped in a job that they hate but aren’t allowed to quit.”
Mental illness is a huge factor in school refusal. Another study states, “School refusal is considered a symptom and may be associated with diagnoses such as social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, specific phobias, major depression, oppositional defiant disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and adjustment disorder, among others.” (Kaswar, Yilanli, & Marwaha, 2022)
Based on the facts and statistics, I suspect that I’m not alone in parenting and even homeschooling kids who just don’t want to “do school.”
So what do we do? What am I going to do?
1) Teach the student, not the lesson – I want to think about end goals. Where do I want my child to be in five years? What kind of person do I want her to be? What do I want our relationship to look like? How do I want her to perceive herself and her disability? Those things are infinitely more important to me than whether or not she can name all the organelles in a cell.
2) Adjust lessons for learning style and attention span – Do you have a reader? Let them read. Do they like filling out worksheets? I have one of those and I just don’t understand it at all, as I, myself, am not a worksheet-filler-inner type of person, but I let her have them. Are they having so much trouble with focus that they can’t read? Read to them. Have discussions about the material instead of tests. Bring in extra material like videos, games, field trips, projects, and field trips. All of those things are educational and can tick the box of “doing school.”
3) Make a plan and, if your children are older, have them participate in it – I want my kids to see where they’re headed. I’m going to sit down with them and give them the high school graduation requirements. They’ll be able to see just what they need to do to arrive at their cap and gown. Helping them understand that, although they do not like schooling, it is finite, can be motivating. They will (I hope) be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
4) Don’t force it – I spent four years trying to cram school into the mind of my seriously ill son. Looking back, it makes me cringe. Could he have done without some of what I made him do? I’m pretty sure he would have been okay. Could I have been less worried, less panicked about him finishing everything in a timely fashion? For sure. School is important, but it’s not the most important thing in life. This second time around, I’m going to go more slowly and push with a gentler hand.
Do you have tips for helping your school-resistant kids? What has worked for you? Please leave a comment.
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Photo by Hiroyoshi Urushima on Unsplash