Swimming in a Sea of Mental Illness: Some Advantages
Growing up, I was unaware of the concept of mental illness. I had a vague notion that some people were “crazy,” but they were far away, out there in the world somewhere, and their lives didn’t intersect with mine.
When I married my husband, he told me that he had previously suffered from depression but had been healed at a Christian service of healing and no longer dealt with this illness. It sounded good to me. I put much thought into it other than to be grateful it was over. So when my brother went missing at 21, only to turn up three days later delusional and hallucinating, it was a shock. He was shortly diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.
As my children began to arrive, I prayed that they wouldn’t be afflicted by this disability. Schizoaffective disorder can be devastating, paralyzing a person’s life and growth from the moment they first exhibit symptoms. I didn’t want that for my children. Then as time went on, my husband slipped into the clutches of bipolar disorder. I began to recognize the familial links to mental illness in my family and in his. Mental illness wasn’t something out there that “other people” had. My family tree was blooming with the fruit of mental illness, as was my husband’s.
Please, God. Not my children. Let them be spared. Let them be healthy.
Then one by one, they fell ill. Some presented with temporary mental illnesses, the brain’s dysfunctional versions of the common cold, and others with more lasting disorders.
I’m surrounded. Checkmate.
Statistics on the prevalence of mental illness among family members are few. A research project and subsequent study done in 2021 discloses that “reported prevalence of parental mental illness ranged from 16 to 79%” in the literature they were able to obtain in previous studies. The authors of this project say that the most comprehensive study they looked at indicated that 36% of mothers and 33% of fathers of the mentally ill also suffer. An article from the Lancet in 2013 (cited here) reports variation in the genes of people who suffer from bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and major depression.
With mental illness on both sides of their family tree, my children’s chances of presenting with mental illness were high from the start.
It’s not all bad though. There are advantages to the fact that mental illness has a genetic component.
1) Parents who have spent a lifetime dealing with their own mental illness (or that of a parent) will more readily accept a similar diagnosis for their child. When we began to notice something was amiss with my preschooler, people said soothing things like, “They’re all like that at this age,” or “Your child will outgrow it.” There was pressure to believe that my child’s mental health condition was “normal” when, in fact, it was not. Knowing that I had a family history of both mental illness and neurodivergence compelled me to get help more quickly.
2) Parents with a family history of mental illness are familiar with the symptoms. They know what they’re looking for. Just like a family with a history of heart disease may put more effort into diet and exercise, a family with a history of mental illness can put more effort into protecting mental health. This can include things like being vigilant about informing children of the ill effects of drugs and alcohol, keeping lines of communication open, frequently discussing mental wellness, and building skills to deal with anxiety and other less-serious symptoms of mental ill-health so that they don’t turn into something worse.
3) Being mentally ill is hard. Being mentally ill and surrounded by people who have no ability to understand your struggles is harder. Because mental illness tends to run in families, sufferers have people they know who are fighting the same battles. They have good examples to follow, and bad examples who serve as a warning. A family with multiple mentally ill members has a context for understanding each other. I suffer from anxiety. While it is nowhere near as severe as my husband’s bipolar disorder, it gives me an inkling of what it is like to be ruled by thoughts you can’t control. I try to be grateful that God has given me the anxiety so that I can be more compassionate to my husband.
While at first glance, it may seem that having multiple family members with mental illness is a brutal blow from Providence, God is good, and His grace is evident even in our struggles.
Are you a Christian parenting an individual with mental illness? Join the Eleventh Willow private Facebook support group to meet other parents who understand. Let’s help each other walk this path.