Help

I need somebody
(Help) not just anybody
(Help) you know I need someone, help
-The Beatles

Have you ever felt so deeply buried the constant needs of your child's struggles, mood changes, emergencies, episodes, and emotional outbursts that you wanted to scream “HELP!” Well, you are not alone. What does this mean? You need a break, and that’s okay. You will start to fade without stepping away in some way, or worse yet, become short-fused, blind-sighted, or even angry. My avenue of retreat has been a walk, bike ride, or even time spent at my favorite store.

Often the first words of encouragement from most Christians are, “I'll pray for you.” Prayer is a powerful part of the means of grace. We should pray daily, hourly, and even by the minute in this challenging journey. Reading and meditating on God’s word can also encourage. But what I’m about to say may seem stupidly simple. Physically removing yourself from your familiar environment where the mentally ill child resides is incredibly freeing, even if it’s only temporary. “Exercise in almost any form can act as a stress reliever. Being active can boost your feel-good endorphins and distract you from daily worries.” Mayo Clinic

Having a child with mental illness can be overwhelming and daunting at times. But we can’t provide the care they need if we are exhausted and lack the mental capacity to deal with the daily challenges that arise. I’ve found that when I have time out of the house, whether it’s walking around in a store, riding a bicycle, or walking the dog, I’m much better equipped when I get home to handle the little things that come up. My oldest child will often have moments of great sadness or an episode where he is seeing or hearing something, and I need to be present with him during the process. I can’t be of any help to him when I’m aggravated, exhausted, or distracted. As of late, the time I have to exercise has grown less and less, but I’ve found that my oldest mentally ill child enjoys joining me on the walks. It allows us to reflect on the day's challenges and events or simply catch up. It’s created a stronger bond in our relationship as well. Our walks are the icing on the cake for us both. I get the exercise I need, he gets the exercise he needs, and we both return home with a much-improved attitude. (Note: Sometimes your alone time is not alone. That’s obviously not ideal.)

“Solitude allows you to reboot your brain and unwind. Constantly being ‘on’ doesn't give your brain a chance to rest and replenish itself. Being by yourself with no distractions gives you the chance to clear your mind, focus, and think more clearly. It's an opportunity to revitalize your mind and body at the same time.” Psychology Today  I truly believe that we ALL need solitude from time to time, and parents of mentally ill children are no different. In fact, I think it is even more critical that we have balance. I’m very much referring to having time to meditate, pray, exercise, shop, or whatever that escape might be. Give yourself permission to take this break and get away. Your family will benefit, your kid will benefit, and you will benefit.

I’ve had my melting points in dealing with all the storm and stress that hit me daily. I have children suffering from various disorders, depression, self-harm, and a child dealing with severe gender dysphoria. Other friends have kids with autism, depression, bipolar, and so on. We, as parents, can only handle so much at one time. Getting the HELP we need from someone—a psychiatrist, psychologist, doctor, friend, or therapist only goes so far. I’m saying to take a break, get out, and retreat. “Solitude helps you work through problems more effectively. It's hard to think of effective solutions to problems when you're distracted by incoming information, regardless of whether the source is electronic or human.” Psychology Today

Find that extraordinary balance for finding solace in solitude. We often feel compelled to keep going, being there, and fielding all situations. If it’s a life-threatening situation, getting immediate emergency help is critical. I’m not saying abandon ship when someone is about to drown. But incorporating a routine of getting out and giving yourself a break when appropriate is essential in allowing you to refresh or rejuvenate. It will enable you to clear your mind and think about things without the day's clutter. Your health, sanity, and relationships with your family or loved ones will benefit far more when you can reset and have a renewed sense of purpose to provide them with the love, support, and mental capacity to help them.

Are you a Christian parenting an individual with mental illness? Join the Eleventh Willow private Facebook support group to meet other parents who understand. Let’s help each other walk this path.

All quotes are from Sherrie Bourg Carter, Psy.D.

 Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay